tom haynes


Fake Steve:

Poll results: It’s gonna be iPad.

Rest in peace, William Safire

Rest in peace, William Safire.
O Pulitzer-winning conservative pundit,
O Nixon speechwriter,
O clever wordsmith, you
probably used
a Windows PC—
but only because
the Times made you.
“Nattering nabobs of negativity.”
That was your catch phrase.
What did it mean?
Why did you say it?
Nobody seems to know.
Even today, it remains a mystery.
Yet everyone remembers it.
That, my friend, is genius.
Jon Ive says you were
a pedantic old prick
& a craven warmonger
who pushed us into Iraq.
A bit unkind of him, I think.
Frankly, I never read
your political columns.
Why start the day angry?
That was my feeling.
Plus, in the end, I believe
your essays on language
are the ones for which
you will be remembered.
Though I must admit, I
never read those either.
I’m sorry.
I’m told they were very good.

Fake Steve Jobs is such an enigma.

About that board meeting yesterday

Since I’m the boss, I got to put two names into the hat instead of just one, and mine were “Harry Potter, Esq.” and “Chuck E. Cheese.” Campbell laughed — it’s what he gets paid to do — but the old guy from J. Crew said he’d never heard of “this Cheese person” and is he an academic or something?

Fake Steve Jobs is always funny.